So it's right now 2:35 in the morning, and my mind, as it's wont to do, is running like it's in a marathon.

I really want to make sure I get everything on this one so i have a little *.txt file open with a few topic reminders.  Funny, amirite?

So a friend of a friend of mine died just about a year ago.  I didn't know the man but he was well loved among his friends.  How do i know this you might wonder?  Because I was there the night my friends of his found out.  They fucking marathon drove to Jackson, MS not once but TWICE in the same week.  My friend lass wrote an account of that week which i just got done reading.  Not just an oh this happened then that happened account.  The kind of detail you find in really good fiction.  This unfortunately was not.

I was struck by the account more than most would i believe, because most people would decry, "my how sad, how deplorable" and move on.  I can be too proud of myself because I almost did the same thing myself.  But then the sheer gravity of the loss of a life, it hit me like a lead weight in the center of my chest.  that weight anchored to my soul.

There Is one less soul in the world.

That was what hit me.  A person unable to reach his full potential.  not even allow to reach a fool potential because that's how life works sometimes.  And that's the point.  It's life and life is choice. And he didn't have it.

Something poignant hit me after a few minutes.  If i feel melancholic because of this, and my friends feel so ...bereaved, heartbroken, listless, depressed, unfeeling ... then how must God feel.  Hop aboard my train of thought and watch were my logic rails take me.

First I thought: how can an omnipotent being be so callous as to take a life like that without any provocation.  If this is part of a grand plan, i'm not sure I want to be included

Then: We're taught that God is a being of infinite love, how is he so reserved from all of this.

Then I knew ... I knew why ... : He has to be.  If he is a being of infinite love as I believe then he is crying every minute of every day someone's life that was cut short, regardless of which realm of infinity in which they will reside.  I'm not talking about an old person who has lived they're full life.  I'm talking about the dead children and teenagers the world over that die for little or no reason.  And I feel so sad.

Next Stop: So how can any being omnipotent or not stand that much sorrow?  The grand design.  You know the one.  Televangelists have been making money off of it for years.  The grand design we want to know, but it is so far out side our ken.  The one that's even outside the life and death of Jesus Christ.  The one that extends past eternity and beyond heaven and hell.  The beautiful design i know must be there, for with out it i would surely despair and collapse in tears.  That is God's only respite in the face of the horrors we his children create on this world.  And that's just this world, there could be others.

So in the end when our divine spark is once again made whole with God.  After the existence of heaven and hell wane into oblivion and there is only paradise.  That is when i'll at least know it was all worth it, because the only hope that keeps me going is that our Maker knows it now

I had more to write but it seems worthless now compared to what i've finished.

Have a radiant day, everyone.